Journaling to heal from grief and loss

Journaling to heal from grief and loss

As life expectancy increases, it is becoming more and more common for adult children to become responsible for ageing parents.

If your ailing parent has to move into your home, this sets off a chain of changes in both your lives, and impacts other members of your family. You will now need to “parent your parent”, perhaps alongside all your other responsibilities as wife and mother and managing your job.

Demanding? You bet it is. You’re dealing with loss and you’re not prepared for it. You have to come to terms with the changes in your mother, her lack of mobility, her decision-making ability, her illness. Your loved one’s loss of health, energy and independence, your own daily stresses and responsibilities, increased financial strain… all add up to a loss of freedom for you. You may find yourself getting depressed, feeling hopeless, finding it hard to carry on. You may feel hopeful one day and hopeless the next. These ups and downs are natural when you’re facing grief and loss.

Write down all those feelings in a journal. You’ll see positive results you never expected.

Journaling helps you heal

Journaling is one of the techniques that really help you to heal. You can begin journaling while caring for an ailing parent, and continue it after she dies. You feel the pain of grief and loss even when your loved one is alive, if she is suffering through pain and medication, and you don’t know how to help. In a way, you’re letting her go even when she’s alive. Death with its finality has its own impact on your emotions and all these have to be faced and accepted and dealt with before you can let go and move on with your life.

How to journal

One way to journal is to simply have a notebook and jot down random thoughts and impressions, feelings, poems or meditations you have read. Write down your stories, poems, paste in photographs, newspaper clippings, sympathy cards you’ve received from friends, letters and so on. This is also called scrapbooking.

Another way is to begin a blog or website with stories of your loved one, memories and photos. Your children could join in this and make it a family project which helps each one in its own way to deal with their personal grief.

Think about your loved one and about happy days with them.  Think about the not-so-happy times.  Write about both. How do you feel about what you write?  Do some resentful, angry, happy or scared thoughts emerge?  Write down those thoughts as they occur.  You may find answers to some of the problems you face, by facing up to your own emotions and attitudes.

You don’t have to be a “writer”

Remember, you don’t have to be a professional writer to begin journaling. All you need to do is to express your thoughts as they occur. You will find patterns and clarity of thought occurring, giving you new insights into your own behavior and that of your loved one and others around you.

Get centered.

Still your mind of tumultuous thoughts. Ask God for guidance before you begin your journal-writing. You’ll find that His leading and direction reveals itself in the thoughts you jot down, in a sudden flash of clarity, when everything falls into place, or in small insights that help you deal with day-to-day matters with less stress and more control.

Create the time for writing

The important thing is to set apart a little window of time for yourself during the day which you commit to the journaling process. This is your private time which will help you get through the rest of the day.

Writing releases creativity

Writing down your thoughts and feelings brings you face to face with important issues you’re dealing with on a daily basis.

Anger. Fear. Resentment. Frustration. Loneliness.

Insecurity. Feeling overwhelmed. Wondering if you’re doing the right thing as a caregiver for your loved one.

You can look at each of these issues in a new perspective, when you begin writing down what troubles you.

Writing frees you

When you can’t say what you think, or convey your feelings to your loved ones or friends, writing frees you from the burden of heaviness you are carrying alone. You have the freedom to say exactly what you think, in your writing. The process makes you feel more refreshed and energized to face your day. It gives you an opportunity to look at your own life issues in a new perspective.

Writing is therapeutic

Writing clarifies your thoughts so that you can make better choices or decisions for your loved one and for yourself. You can express your emotions, worries and fears. It is a process of healing and when you re-read what you have written you will see your own emotional growth during this time.

Writing is calming

Think back to a time when your feelings got the better of you, and all that you wanted to do was rant and rave and throw things. Putting those feelings down on paper defused the tension, didn’t it? You were soon much calmer and able to see the situation in a different light, and to deal with it more effectively than an explosion of anger ever could. Saying “Sorry” after an outburst of temper is also much easier on paper. When your emotions are in turmoil, use writing to calm you down and restore peace and serenity in your mind and in your household.

Invest in yourself

When caring for your loved one, it is comforting to realize that you’re doing the best you can do. Every time you write down your accomplishments, you’re able to see this more clearly. Get rid of the guilt . Perhaps you’re demanding too much out of yourself.

It is important to invest in yourself too, so that your physical and emotional health remains good. Take a break. Watch a movie or spend a day out with friends. This is the only way that you will be able to deal with the emotionally stressful life that caregiving entails.

Ready to begin journaling? Start now! Encourage your children to start journaling too.
The benefits will soon be apparent in your life – and theirs.